How I Work - A Collaborative and Individual Approach
Not all counsellors work in the same way, and my approach might be different from what you're expecting. At the heart of my practice lies a belief that collaborative counselling is transformative - we work together to find what works for you, rather than fitting you into a particular method or approach.
It's your agenda, not mine
At the start of sessions, I ask how you'd like to use the time. That might sound strange - surely the counsellor knows what we should be talking about? But we meet as equals in this space. You're the expert on your own life. You know what's most pressing, what's been troubling you, what you need to talk about today. And that could be different from what we discussed last time, because life doesn't stand still between sessions.
You don't have to know how you want to use the time though. Sessions unfold as they need to. Sometimes we find ourselves in unexpected places that seemed to want exploring, following threads that lead somewhere surprisingly useful.
You could come to counselling with a particular goal in mind - perhaps you want to manage anxiety better, or you're struggling with insomnia, or you're trying to come to terms with a diagnosis. That's a good starting point. But if something happens in your life and you need to focus on that instead, we can change direction. The sessions are meant to be useful to you, and useful means being flexible about what you actually need rather than rigidly following a plan that's no longer relevant.
You have agency in how we work
I'm not going to tell you how deep we should go, or how fast we should move, or what topics are off limits. In the introduction for new clients, I encourage clients to tell me during the session if we're going down the wrong rabbit hole, working at the wrong pace, or at the wrong level. That might feel unusual - aren't you meant to just go along with what the counsellor suggests? But you're the one doing the work here, and you know better than anyone what feels manageable and what feels too much.
At the end of each session, I always ask how it went. I really value honest feedback. If something didn't feel right, if the pace was too fast or too slow, if we focused on the wrong thing - I want to know, so we can adjust. This isn't about me needing reassurance that I'm doing a good job. It's about making sure the sessions are actually helpful for you.
I don't have one approach that everyone has to fit into
Some counsellors practice one specific type of therapy and everyone who comes to them gets that approach, whether it suits them or not. I don't work that way. I use whatever approach or combination of approaches seems best suited to each person and their situation. Sometimes that means working with practical strategies you can take away and use. Other times it's about sitting with difficult emotions and making space for what needs to be felt. There's no one-size-fits-all.
For some people, that could mean quite a structured approach. The approach fits you, not the other way around.
A warm, straightforward approach
After a first session, people often say they were surprised by how easy it was to talk to me, that they said more than they expected to, that they've told me things they've never told anyone. I think that's partly because I'm quite down to earth and straightforward. I'm not formal or clinical. If you need to say how sh*t cancer is, or how frustrating sight loss is, that's fine. I understand that sometimes strong language is the only way to express what's really going on.
I can be light-hearted when that's appropriate, even a bit irreverent. Counselling doesn't have to be solemn and serious every moment. Sometimes humour is part of how we cope, and that's okay too. You can read more about me and how I work here.
I understand specialist issues: anxiety, insomnia, living with cancer or sight loss
If you're coming because of anxiety or insomnia, I've worked with many people experiencing these issues and I have effective, evidence-based ways of helping. I was trained in CBT for insomnia by consultant psychiatrists who run sleep clinics at major London hospitals - it's a specific six-week programme that's been proven to be highly effective - so this isn't just general counselling applied to sleep problems, it's specialist knowledge.
If you're dealing with cancer, I've counselled over a hundred people who were referred via a major cancer charity. I understand the lived experience of cancer at all stages - during treatment, after treatment, supporting family members, managing fear of recurrence. I know that it's not just about the medical side, it's about everything cancer touches in your life.
If you're adjusting to sight loss, I'm RNIB-trained and accredited, and I'm listed on their directory of specialist sight loss counsellors. I also have personal experience of eye health challenges and understand the anxieties that come with living at increased risk of sight loss. I've previously worked as a researcher with Guide Dogs as a regular client, so I have understanding of the issues from that perspective too.
This specialist experience means you don't have to explain everything from scratch or wonder if I get it. I've worked with these challenges many times before and understand the territory.
Working together
If you're wondering whether my approach might work for you, the best way to find out is to try a first counselling session. We can talk about what's been happening for you, you'll get a sense of how I work, and you can decide whether it feels right to continue.
Caroline Midmore is an accredited counsellor working online and by phone with clients across the UK. She specialises in anxiety, insomnia, cancer, and sight loss. Her relational approach draws on evidence-based tools when helpful. Caroline is RNIB-accredited, NHS-trained in CBT for insomnia, and registered with BUPA, WPA, and AXA health insurance.
Photo by Chaz McGregor on Unsplash